Next Show:10th Anniversary Show! // Mar 15 at 8:00pm // PianoFight, SF

Dave's Manic Mondays: Why Panda's are overrated

Last week I came across this article on, about a panda mother that 'accidentally' killed one of her twin cubs. Now, I'm a deep animal lover. Seriously, I donate to the SPCA. However, I believe some 'endangered' species would have been naturally selected if it wasn't for us interfering.

Let's look at this example: The two female cubs were born Friday, but the mother nursed only one of them, the zoo's deputy president told the China Daily newspaper.

'Mother pandas are always like that,' Zhang Jinguo said. 'Twins are rare, and all mothers take only the first cub as their own.'

The panda mom, named Yinghua, then accidentally crushed the other cub to death in a corner of her pen early Saturday when she going to nurse it.

'Pandas have poor eyesight. Yinghua apparently didn't see the cub,' Zhang said."

Despite that they are an endangered species, this bitch has two cubs, throws the weaker one away because they don't have enough nutrition in their bodies to feed both cubs, EVEN in captivity. This malnutrition is self-imposed, as their chosen diet of bamboo has very little nutritional value, and requires them to eat almost constantly. Not only is the bamboo bad for their bodies, but because it provides them with minimal energy and protein, they can be irritable with other pandas and maintain a mostly solitary existence, with the exception of mating season, which only happens once a year.

To summarize, humanity spends tons of money and resources for this species that rarely mates, chooses a limited diet that it is not evolved enough to live on, and accidentally kills it young, which it only has every few years. Wake up people! They want to be naturally selected!!!

Why do we do this? Because this shit is fucking hysterical:

Keep sneezing gentle giants, your fucking overrated.


  1. Everyone knows that black and white animals are cooler than none-black-and-white animals.

    See zebras vs horses, pandas vs black bears, and pengiuins vs every bird ever

  2. True. However, both the black bear and polar bear could out-natural select the panda any day, even with global warming!

  3. Seriously panda-lovers, what do pandas even do for the world? Look cute? Eat? Give birth to babies that do nothing? Ants do more than those living pillows. And who is supporting them?