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Dave's Manic Monday: The Armagaydon is at bay


As some of you may know, there has been a lot of hullabaloo surrounding gay marriage over the last couple weeks here in California. A federal judge ruled that Proposition 8 (a narrowly voter approved ballot measure banning gay marriage) was unconstitutional, and ordered that marriage licenses be issued to same-sex couples as early as this Wednesday. However, proponents of Proposition 8 were successful in their request to the Appeals court extending a stay until another court panel can hear that case in early December 2010.

Now, I'm all for hearing someone out and am frankly just tired of the entire conflict, it would be easier if the whole thing just blew over, and everything went back to the way it was before. We can live without equal recognition from the state and society, and have limited legal rights in many states. You have to admit that the defendants in this case, the supporters of Proposition 8 make some good arguments:

1.) Same-sex marriage would destroy the sacred union of marriage.

Making same-sex marriage legal would absolutely destroy the foundation of everything we as a society hold sacred. I mean, marriage has been around for a really long time, like forever. People take it really seriously. Although many celebrities get married and re-married a lot, and just over 40% of all American marriages end in divorce according to the NYTimes and potentially up to 50% according to the last census, I still think it's a really big deal, and something that should be taken seriously. Gay people just wouldn't get it. I mean, they can't even have kids. Speaking of...

2.) Children are best raised in a home with a loving, supporting mother AND father.
At the end of the day, gay and lesbian people are probably not as good at parenting as heterosexual couples because it's confusing which parent goes to work to make money for the family, and which is really good at cleaning, cooking, and decorating. Even if it is clear, it's probably not as good as two normal, er...straight parents. Despite the extensive studies that have proven that kids with same sex parents are as healthy as kids from other families, and kids from lesbian parents are actually more well-rounded and successful people overall. Whatever, I bet they said the same thing about crack babies in the 80's.

3.) Civil Unions are just as good as domestic partnerships.
This one really resonates with me, because supporters of gay marriage make such a big deal about the issue of 'calling our relationships something different than theirs.' Hello, it is different. It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, duh. Like, interracial marriage was illegal in some states until 1967. I'm not saying that I do not support this, that's crazy talk. Black and white people or latino and asian people should totally be able to get married, as long as they're man and woman. Otherwise, it's different...got it?

4.) If we let the gays marry, we might as well allow polygamists.
This one is a big deal too, because it just makes sense that if we let one radical minority get what they want, others will too. Although 11 sovereign countries across the globe have legalized same-sex marriage (including Argentina, the first in Latin America) and not yet legalized any form of polygamy, it's still too early to tell whether or not the polys are going to come along and start try to get married. I wouldn't put anything past some people.

Sure, a lot of straight couples in the US are likely to get divorced, and they can get married (even if they don't have kids) regardless of their race, or whether or not they actually love and respect one another. But it's just too much work to allow healthy gay couples to get married, despite their level of commitment to each other. Guys, change is hard. Just because giving people equal protection, rights, and recognition sounds good on paper, doesn't make it not scary...or the right thing to do. People have been getting married for a long time, and it's not okay to change that just because two adults love each other, okay?!?

I think Stephen Colbert summed it all up best in his hard-hitting analysis.


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